The Hydrangea

I notice the hydrangea
huge dried flowers
dingy paper petals
still standing
showing itself
in the cold
amidst the snow
without leaves
without warmth
yet still showing itself

I understand the hydrangea
saying I am here
I am still here
finding the courage
to show
even out of season
out of plumage
unpolished and faded

I am still here
I am still me
I matter
hear me
see me
I am still here

I am like
the hydrangea
trying to be
seen and heard
and loved
even in
my winter moments.

How do you feel about being seen even in your winter moments? Can you find the courage to show yourself out of plumage, unpolished and true?


I am asked: “What is your inner source of orientation? What is your inner compass?”

So I begin to wonder….hmmm….what guides me?

To be honest,
curiosity points the way.
I follow until
the road gets tough
then I ache to
turn back.
Who wins? Comfort or curiosity?
On a cold day, maybe comfort.
When I have the energy, maybe curiosity.

So, is curiosity my inner compass?
Sounds dangerous but true.
Sometimes I wish for
something more noble
like wisdom
or faith
or even courage.

Truthfully, I am a shy adventurer.
Always on the lookout
for another shy adventurer
to explore with.
Someone whose courage
I can borrow, or whose
wisdom I can follow
and whose faith will
keep us on the path.

Being shy makes
companioning difficult.
Needing alone time, quiet,
solitude, but friendship too.
The paradox, the balancing
of the paradox.

Maybe someday I’ll have the
wisdom, courage, and faith
to explore on my own.
Maybe someday I’ll trust that
the companions are
already waiting for me
just up the road a bit.

Maybe someday I’ll take
that one step that
leads to the rest
of my life.

Today, it seems, I’ll just
write about
the dream of it all.