I am not sure where to find You today, Lord,
so I’ll start here…
It is still on the back patio
except for the siren of the cardinal,
the buzz of the bee,
the peck of the woodpecker,
and Molly rustling in the bushes.
A mourning dove joins the chorus,
and other songs and calls I cannot identify.
I miss the neighbor’s tree towering over
with perches in my view.
Yes, Lord, You are here.
Jeremiah 29:13 – You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I have been wrestling with this ‘writing’ thing. I have been writing everyday, just not posting everyday. I am unsure of what to share. So today I have decided just to share my truth, because that is all any of us really have to share. Here is yesterday’s journal entry…
February 6, 2017
I am curious about the ‘writing’ thing. My hand, my mind, my heart, my soul want to write, but what to write? Just my journal for now. It seems purposeless, wasteful, but it’s what I love. It seems like a waste of paper, of ink, of plastic pens, of time. But it is my favorite part of the day. It’s my communion with You, Lord. It’s how I ‘hear’ You. It’s how I release the clutter from my mind and my heart and my soul. It’s how I dream. It’s how I catch glimpses of me…of who I was, of who I am, of who I am becoming, of who I crave to be, of who You created me to be.
My orange pen spills across the page with so many words. What to do with all of these words? Do they have purpose? Do they need to have purpose? Is the purpose for me? Is the purpose for You, Lord? For others? Why are there so many words? Not even thoughts or ideas really. Just words…flying around like the key scene in Harry Potter. Words with wings all flying around. Seems like chaos, but gentler. Feels like love, and enlightenment, and joy, and relationship.
I love words, and the emotions and feelings and connections they are. They are these things for me. Why does this seem so new and foreign, yet so old and familiar at the same time? Of me, but not of me?
I really like the orange ink on the page. I can taste the refreshing orange as I write. The orange is not as dark and jarring as the other contrasting colors I usually use. Fun and springy. And juicy.
My mind is slowing and the Peace settles in. The unknowing is still there, but it is peaceful, not frenetic. It lets me know that I can handle the unknowing. I can move forward without all the answers. I can breathe and I can see what is right in front of me. I can’t see everything, but just right in front of me. And that is enough for now. Enough to be able to smile and say, “Okay God, what’s next?”
The words slow and I can just Be, and Listen, and hopefully Hear.
Amen.
But the Lord said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9a
finding my way 