Ash Wednesday

A little rainy this morning
Clean cars getting wet
Sky gray and dark
Motivation low

Air thick
ground thirsty
hearts preparing
for a desert season

Sunday reprieves
because we are human

while Jesus is human and God
Leading us to
the cross and
to the tomb

and then to resurrection
Whatever that means
I struggle to understand

My heart feels hope
and assuredness though
my mind cannot quite
grasp it

That is faith, I guess
A knowing beyond

Like Love.

Exactly like Love.


holding space ~ holding time

my mind is day-dreamy today
     wandering from thing to thing

     kitten nibbles
     all the stuff
     blue jays
     warm coffee
     dappled sun on the neighbor’s roof
     resting shepherd dog
     curious cat
     whirr of the fan which I am now turning off

monday, early, the still before the storm

sometimes I want to hold
     this space forever

but then I would miss so much,
I would miss my life,
my wild and crazy beautiful holy life

so I will allow the world
     to spin and the time to tick
and I will live it the best I can


amen ♡

The Hydrangea

I notice the hydrangea
huge dried flowers
dingy paper petals
still standing
showing itself
in the cold
amidst the snow
without leaves
without warmth
yet still showing itself

I understand the hydrangea
saying I am here
I am still here
finding the courage
to show
even out of season
out of plumage
unpolished and faded

I am still here
I am still me
I matter
hear me
see me
I am still here

I am like
the hydrangea
trying to be
seen and heard
and loved
even in
my winter moments.

How do you feel about being seen even in your winter moments? Can you find the courage to show yourself out of plumage, unpolished and true?

Eyes that See

It is Pride Month and I’ve been wanting to share something to honor that, but I have been timid. Then I had the opportunity to hear a panel of LGBTQ Voices at a local Methodist Church sponsored by The Reformation Project ( When asked “How can someone express their support? How can we be good allies?”, one panel member replied that one way to be a good ally is to be ‘a visible ally’. This stirred my heart. Now I am trying to be a better ally by being a more visible ally.

I wrote this piece in 2016 when I first applied to seminary. It seems appropriate to share it here now. As part of the admissions process, I was asked the following question: “What is the most important biblical, theological or ethical question you bring to your studies? What was the most important current book or article you consulted as you reflected on this question?”

This was my response:

I am feeling a call to ministry within the Church, but I am having a hard time accepting this because I do not see the Church today as being truly representative of Jesus.

In Matthew 16:18, Jesus says to Peter, “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock, I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.”

I have many questions that I do not yet know how to answer. My first one is, “What did Jesus mean by ‘church’?” I think we are missing a big part of what Jesus intended. We study the word to be the ‘mind of Jesus’, and it seems like the latest movement is to encourage our members to serve others as the ‘hands and feet of Jesus’. As I was first thinking about this essay, I was convinced that we needed to learn how to be the ‘heart of Jesus’ so that we can love the way Jesus loved. Yet, I think we do know how to love. But I think we only know how to love those we see. Maybe we need to learn how to be the ‘eyes of Jesus’ — to see others as Jesus saw them. Once we can do that, I believe we will automatically love them as Jesus loved them.

As I consider a life in ministry, one of my biggest struggles is how I will align myself with a church that cannot see as Jesus saw. In pondering this dilemma, I was drawn to the book Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor. In this memoir, Taylor shares about her decision to eventually leave congregational ministry to teach. I think this is the temptation of too many ministers today. I am already tempted to ‘leave church’ and I have not even begun my ministry.

While her reasons for leaving centered around the unrealistic demands of clergy life, this book showed me that I am not alone in my struggles with the church of today. It affirmed that others are struggling with how to love church and love people at the same time. It also reminded me that there is a place for ordained clergy outside traditional church roles. While this reminder was comforting, it seemed to confirm that I am being called to ministry within the church. I feel called to be a bridge between God’s people and the church; to enact reform from within the church rather than from outside.

Rather than join the church or leave the church, maybe we are called to change the church. To become the church God is calling us to be. To be the church of Jesus. Not one with walls and barriers and lines drawn in the sand, but one with the eyes of Jesus (eyes that see) and one with the heart of Jesus (a heart that loves God with all and loves others as thyself).

How do we do that? How do we reconcile the contradictions in scripture? How do we proclaim truth to the ends of the earth when we cannot agree on what that truth is? How do we choose ‘and’ rather than ‘or’? How do we move forward into the future God is calling us to? How do we become the people of God we were created to be? How do we feed God’s sheep? Not just with food for the body, but love and nourishment for the soul? How do we teach them to pray? Not just in worship services, not just corporate recitation, but continually with open hearts and open minds ready to receive all God is ready to give?

My most important theological question is, “How do we become the church Jesus commanded us to be?”


I am headed back to seminary in the fall to see if I can learn more answers to my questions.  In the meantime, I will be a visible ally to the unseen. I have always been an ally, but I have not always been visible. That changes now. I am your ally. I see you as Jesus sees you, as God sees you, and I love you as Jesus loves you, as God loves you.

Church, we have work to do!


Reconciling ministries logo


For more information on how to be a loving and impactful ally:

The Reformation Project –

Reconciling Ministries Network –


John 13:34-35 ~ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Why [God]?

The original title for my blog was “Seeking [God] and Stumbling a bit Along the Way.” This post explained my thought process for that title:

I wonder if some of you are upset about the [God] in my blog title. Some of you may be bothered by the brackets [ ], while others may be uncomfortable with the word God. Maybe you are thinking, “Why would you put God in brackets? That seems sacrilegious. It should be Seeking God, no brackets.” Or “Why would you even put God out there? Why can’t it just be Seeking? Why does everything always have to be about God?”.

Here’s why…

For me, everything is about God, but I didn’t always know that. So when I started ‘seeking’, which was probably about the same time I started breathing, I didn’t know I was seeking God. So what was I seeking?










My True Self

My True Source

The desire to find these things was very strong. Sometimes all-consuming. Sometimes overwhelming. I sought these things in many different places and in many different people. And when I didn’t find them, I was heartbroken and empty. Frustrated, and at times hopeless. Why would the world talk of these things if they were not available? Why would my heart ache for these things if they were not attainable?

And then I became pregnant with my first child. And I experienced profound love in a way I had never experienced it before. I sensed God’s presence. And from that Presence, I got a taste of the strength and peace I had been craving. Then I craved these things even more. Now that I knew they truly existed, I pursued them even more intensely. The closer I drew to God’s presence, to God, the more I received what I had been searching for. Now I know with all my heart that what I seek is God. But that is not my whole journey.

I have stumbled. I will stumble. And maybe you are seeking, but you don’t know what you are seeking. Maybe you’ve had a glimpse and you are craving more. Maybe you are stumbling too. Maybe we can seek and stumble together.

What are you seeking? [     ]

My Prayer

Dear [God], my [Love], my [Truth], my [Wholeness], my [Peace], my [Serenity], my [Wisdom], my [Joy], my [Purpose], my [Strength], my [True Self], my [True Source] –

Thank You for the opportunity to seek You. And thank You for allowing me to find You. Thank You for the journey. Thank You for the stumbles, as they always cause me to draw closer to you. Thank You for your patience as I seek in all the wrong places and in all the wrong people. Thank You for your continued guidance as I seek You as my One True Source.


You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart.

~Jeremiah 29:13